Thank you for the very practical question, “How do Bible principles help us to have the right view of family obligations?”
Here are some thoughts for your consideration on Biblical Principles on family obligations:
A. The family obligation starts between God and the husband and wife (Rom. 12:1–2).
In a Christian family, God is the head of the household. Jesus is Lord of both the husband and wife. Thus each person must walk rightly with God in order to have a Christian family. Each person must freely submit themselves to the Lord.
In other words, there may be Christians in the home, but it is not necessary a Christian home.
B. The family obligation continues with the husband loving his wife and the wife respecting her husband (Eph. 5:22–33).
God has placed the welfare of the wife and family into the hands of the husband. He is to love his wife unconditional and selflessly. He is to seek what is best for the family, not just what he wants.
God will hold the husband responsible for how he care for those under his leadership. He is to love his wife as Christ loved the Church and gave his life for her.
The husband is not the “master” of the house. He commands and she jumps to his every wish. That is not biblical love. That is selfishness. It is with wisdom that he shares the decisions that needs to be made, ask for her thoughts and feelings, prayerfully seeking the Lord’s will in the decision to be made. If there is no concurrence and the husband decides to make the decision, then he bears the responsibility of that decision.
The wife is to submit to her husband as unto the Lord. In other words, it is as if the Lord was asking her to do something for him. This submission is not forced on her, but she chooses to submit freely. This places her in a very vulnerable position.
I Peter 3:7 is that the husband is to see her as a weaker vessel, not that she is a weaker vessel. She is not inferior to him, but seeking her as a weaker vessel will cause him to treat her with greater tenderness and care.
Her role is to respect her husband while the husband is to love his wife. A wife will freely yield her rights if she truly knows that he loves her and is making the decision with the family interest in his heart.
A wise husband who finds his wife reluctant to support him or that decision should reconsider any decisions. The wife can’t say, “Amen” to his prayers if they are not one together. It will become a divided family if either asserts too much of their rights. It’s ultimately submission to Jesus Christ.
C. The family obligation is reflected in caring for the family needs.
The husband is not to be lazy and sit at home commanding her to work and cook while he does nothing. As husband, he is to be the provider for the family. If need be, she can support him in enabling the family to have enough finances to care for themselves and their children.
The caring and teaching of the children are the responsibility of both parents, but the main responsibility is to fall on the husband. He is to demonstrate or model how he loving cares for his wife and his children. He takes the time to exemplify what is a Godly man, a Christian man who loves God and his neighbor as himself.
He is not afraid to apology when he is wrong or to commend when his family does things that is good and right. He encourages his children to do what is right, not just scold or beat them into submission. Abusive has no place in the Christian home. Discipline but not abuse. It’s speaking truth with love more than carrying or using a “big stick.”
Family roles need to be discussed and agreed upon by the husband and wife. Just because one has defined the roles, it does not mean that one can’t help be kind to help the other spouse in times of difficult. That’s love.
D. Family obligation is to show respect for one’s parents and elders.
To show respect does not mean absolute obedient to one’s parents or in-laws. The couple has left their father and mother. They are a new family unit. As adult children of one’s parents, one is to listen to their advice, consider it, and then decide to follow it or not. There is wisdom in one’s parent’s advice.
In-laws or parents should not interfere into a family life unless permission is asked or given. Only in extreme cases parents or siblings may interfere into the family when the family is torn apart or is hurt by one’s spouse.
Pre-marital or marital counseling is wise before marriage and even when one is married. Don’t come to the pastor or counselor when one is already considering divorce. That is nearly too late to bring about reconciliation.
If one doesn’t know how to be a godly husband/wife or godly parent, then look for someone you respect and ask if you can meet with him/her of the same gender. Be careful. There may be some who looks good on Sunday morning but the rest of the week their actions and words can be questioned.
SUMMARY: If one truly seeks the welfare of the spouse and family, one will find that the problems are less and the unity greater.