II. The Journey of Salvation and Transformation.
Chapter 4: The Frightful Realization
While in City College, another young lady started to join our high school-college group. Our van would stop by the grocery store to pick her up on the way to the pastor’s house. At times, I would jump out of the van and go inside the store to call her.
To be honest, I wasn’t interested in her. There were two or three other young ladies that many of us single guys were interested in dating. I was one of those guys dreaming about dating one of them, but I was too afraid to ask any of them to go on a date with me! I couldn’t compete with the other guys who were smarter and more mature than I was. I was too afraid of the possibility of being rejected.
As I was preparing to return to Multnomah in the Fall of 1970, I decided to catch the Greyhound Bus in Downtown, San Francisco. Others in our group car pooled together or flew up to Portland. All I could afford was a Greyhound bus ticket. It was going to be another overnighter by myself for about 16-17 hours.
I learned that a new young lady was going to the same Bible School. I don’t recall how she learned that I was riding the bus, but her father offered to pick me up and drive me to the Greyhound Bus Depot. We booked the tickets together. I still don’t know how she knew that I was catching the Greyhound and why she wasn’t flying instead of riding the bus.
We sat together in the bus and began talking and asking each other questions. We talked for hours. This was the first time that I had a real conversation with another person that lasted more than 10 minutes. It was also the first time that I talked to a girl! I didn’t realize it then, but God was slowly developing my social and conversational skills.
I enjoyed her company. We sat together in classes, sat together for lunch and dinner on campus, walked and talked on campus. She shared her struggles with me. I listened to her story and she listened to my story. We had a lot in common. My sharing was more factual information without sharing my personal feelings. The school would assign fathers and mothers for the dinner meal at each table. I found myself quite often being the father and she being the mother at tables. Other students could sit randomly where they wanted to sit.
In the Spring of 1971, my dad came up to visit the campus. Since I never had a real conversation with my dad, I asked this young lady to keep my dad company since she was so kind and sensitive. At the end of the day, my Dad said to me, “She will make you a good wife.” I couldn’t believe my ears what I just heard, and I quickly changed the subject. I just enjoyed her company. I liked her, but I wasn’t sure that I “loved” her. I have never been in love before, so I wasn’t sure how I felt.
During the Fall semester some of my friends began teasing me that I liked her. They saw me spending a lot of time with her. I didn’t realize it then but there were whispers that Kingston and this young lady would make a nice couple. When I realized that I was falling in love with this young lady, I was completely frightened by it. I foolishly broke off seeing or eating with her for several weeks. I didn’t give her any explanation. I felt lonely and I missed her. Then one day as I thought about our relationship, I realized that she is the only woman who took an interest in me, listened to me, and spent time with me, and I enjoy spending time with her. I asked myself, “Why am I breaking off this relationship with her?”
As I reflected on my relationship with her, I concluded that I found someone who cared and accepted me. She was gentle and kind, possessed great wisdom and was refined. I was crude and socially inept. By her actions I knew she loved me, but I was afraid of loving her in return. The unhealed hurt from the rejection of my mom, my heart couldn’t handle the possibility of more. So, I made a cognitive decision. I decided with my mind and will to pursue her as I saw her as a very good helpmate for me. But I kept my emotions in check. I didn’t let myself fall head over heels over her. This way, if the relationship didn’t work out, my heart wouldn’t be hurt again.
One day, I saw her waiting in line for lunch. I walked up and lined up behind her. It was an awkward moment as she turned around and saw me. We sat down on the same table and made small talk. Everyone was staring at us because they had noticed that I hadn’t sat with her for weeks. Later, I explained to her the reason why I avoided her. I am thankful that she didn’t reject me outright since I pulled away from her first. She waited patiently for me. She made no attempt to talk to me. I had to figure this one out by myself. I believe God opened my eyes and heart to see her for who she was inwardly.
On October 16, 1971, I asked Ramona to join me in the chapel at the school. We would often talk and pray together in that chapel. Sitting there in the pew, I asked this young lady, Ramona to be my wife. She said, “Yes.” I kissed her, even though holding hands and kissing were forbidden by the school. We knelt together in that chapel, and we prayed.
Ramona is the only woman that I have ever kissed. I didn’t give her an engagement ring that evening, but I promised her that one day I will give her one.
The following day, I wrote this in her Bible,
“Oct. 17, 1971. I Kingston Tong as of October 16th, 1971 pledge my love, loyalty and concern for my Beloved Ramona Young as long as we shall live. God grant this may be. I hereby as of that date have asked her to be my wife in the Prayer Chapel, and she has answered in the affirmative. God is our witness of my pledge to Ramona as my wife. May my love, Lord, never cease to grow and mature as I love my Beloved Ramona every day. May I be submitted to You to walk and do your will as long as I have breath. Lord grant that we may be wedded someday before You and man. In your Son’s name forever. Love, Kingston Tong.”
I was able to save up enough money to buy her a ring. On campus, there were walnut trees. I wanted to surprise her with that ring. The idea came to me of putting the ring inside a walnut. I cleaned out the nut, wrapped the ring in some tissues and put it inside the walnut. I glued it back together. The next day, as I was giving her the walnut, I said to her, “Here, I have something for you.” She looked puzzled as to why I would give her a walnut. But I just told her to open it. She opened it and saw the engagement ring.
We decided to get married after my graduation in May 1973. Ramona remained in San Francisco to prepare for our wedding while I completed my senior year. On June 03, 1973, we were married. My parents and brothers arranged the wedding reception for us, while Ramona’s uncles and aunties from Hawaii brought flowers for the bridal and groom party. For our honeymoon, we drove from San Francisco to Vancouver, British Columbia and back. My brother, Kenneth loaned us his car. I drove on my learner’s permit! Now that is insane and probably illegal, but I didn’t think about that. We were on our honeymoon.
God enabled my mind to mature in my Bible school years. I was far from perfect and mature when I married her. It was through our marriage that I matured socially and emotionally. I don’t know how my wife put up with me all those years. We had more than our share of verbal arguments. She shared with me later that when I asked her to marry her that she saw me as a diamond in the rough. She saw something in me that I couldn’t see for myself.