III. The Journey of Sight rather than by Faith.
Chapter 5: The Lingering Thought
One day Ramona asked me, “Kingston, do you think the Lord still wants you to be a pastor?” I thought Ramona had forgotten about ministry. Life has gotten so much better. Our marriage was stronger. Our home was recently remodeled. We had great friends. Life was good in Portland. Besides, I wasn’t young anymore. I was about 38 years old. Going back to seminary wasn’t going to be an easy task. Do I really want to go back to seminary for a master’s degree? I only saw obstacles ahead of me and for my family.
Two roads laid before me. Which one do I want to travel on, and which one should I travel one? My two years in earning my Master of Sacred Ministry took a heavy toll on my family. I was gone all the time with work, classes, homework, and church ministry. Going to seminary will mean at least three or four more years of being away from my family. I will be an absentee father again. On top of that, how am I going to pay for the tuition? With my current salary I may be able to pay for housing and food, but it wasn’t enough to pay for my classes and books. Do I really want Ramona to go to work and if she does who will care for the children? By the time I graduate from seminary, I will be in my early forties! Who will want to call a seminarian graduate in his first ministry being in their forties? Wouldn’t they want someone younger! I know I would.
Does God still want me to become a pastor after all these years? There was only one way to find discover God’s will. It will determine the path I am to go. As much as I dreaded returning to seminary, I set forth before God my willingness to follow His lead and become a pastor. I said, “Lord, if I am accepted by a seminary, then I know that you want me to become a pastor.” I shared this decision with Ramona. We both agreed that if I am not accepted by a seminary, I will remain as a lay worker in the church. But if I am accepted, I will go to seminary and see how the Lord will lead us after graduation. It was time for me to take that step of faith.