I am sorry to hear that you are not feeling well and am weak. No one can give THE answer to the question why God hasn’t healed you or cause you to feeling stronger or better.
Here are some thoughts for your consideration. The thoughts are not theoretical one for I am a caretaker of my wife for over 20 years with her hemorrhagic stroke and battle with depression. The suffering that one faces is not just oneself but also the other spouse, children even extended family members and friends. They suffer along with that person.
May I suggest for your consideration a process that I used that may help you in your circumstances. I want to restate that it is A process, not THE process for everyone.
A. One may ask, “Do I believe God still loves me in my circumstances?”
Quite often when we are in a difficult trial, we tend to question the love of God for us. Our emotional feelings of sadness and hurt may say that God doesn’t love me, but our minds know that God loves us for he gave his Son to die for my sins.
The core foundation of our relationship with God is this: God loves me. Romans 8 says this, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (A searchable online Bible in over 150 versions and 50 languages). Bible citations are from the New International Versions.
As one consider the love of God, our faith overrides our feelings. We know that God loves us because he has demonstrated his love by redeeming you and me and giving us the gift of eternal life (John 3:16).
The flip side of this question is this: “Do I still love God despite my circumstances?” Our love for God is not based on our happiness, our successes, or even our unwanted sufferings. If our love is base on how one feels, then it is a conditional love for God. Every Christian may face some time in their life adverse trials. If one’s love for God is base on my happy circumstances, then one truly does not love God for who he is but rather what he does for me. That is a self-centered love. We love God because he first loved us. Our attitude should be that even if I die, I will still love you, oh God for I know that you love me first.
B. One may ask, “Am I seeking to bargain with God by my Christian activities?”
Quite often when one is in a very trying circumstances, one may bargain with God. One thinks that one can bribe God, bargain with God to receive what one wants.
One can’t earn, buy God’s favor by Christian activities as faithful Bible reading, continuous prayer or even faithful service to God. God loved us while we were sinners and he loves us as his child. There is nothing that we can do to earn God’s love or mercy on us. It is given by grace (John 3:16, Eph. 2:8–9).
The question is this, “What is my motivation for my Christian activities as prayer, Bible reading, even Christian service in my illness?” Is it to find comfort in his Word? Is it to bargain with God that because I am doing all these “good” things that you owe me! God searches the heart and mind of a person. The question of the purity of one’s motive is one in which one must reflect and ponder.
The Apostle James says this in James 4, “When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures” (NIV).
The Apostle Paul struggled with his illness in II Corinthians. He asked God three times to remove his illness from his life. “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me” (II Cor. 12:8).
If one is bargaining with God, it is unlikely that God will not honor one’s activities for it is not for God but for oneself. It is only about relief of one’s adverse circumstances, about one’s happiness, and not about the kingdom of God or God’s glory.
C. One may ask, “What is God trying to teach me in or through my circumstances?”
Quite often Christians fail to reflect what God is doing in or through my life. Romans 8:28–29 states that God is working in my life for my good, not my harm, if I love him. He is our Heavenly Father. He knows what he is doing.
God uses trials to develop our faith and our Christ-like character. The Apostle Peter in II Peter 1 says this, “His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4 Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
5 For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6 and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7 and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. 8 For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins. 10 Therefore, my brothers and sisters, make every effort to confirm your calling and election. For if you do these things, you will never stumble, 11 and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” (NIV).
Every Christian facing a trial need to reflect on one’s relationship with Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit who lives in us examines our hearts. He may be developing an aspect of the Christ-like character in our life or he may be revealing a shortcoming or sin in one’s life. More often than not, we are stubborn and slow to change our ways. God may allow us to reach rock bottom so that we are at the end of ourselves and come to God empty handed without anything to offer to God. We are broken and empty. It is only then that we will find the grace of God and the filling of the Holy Spirit in our lives.
D. One may ask, “Am I willing to lay my life at the foot of Jesus and say, “Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven?”
Quite often, Christians want to hold onto their lives, to be in control of their own life. Jesus is Savior of our lives, but not the Lord of our lives. The Scriptures makes no such distinction for he is Jesus Christ-Savior King.
The Apostle Paul in Romans 12:1–2 exhorts the believers to offer their lives to God as living sacrifices. “Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. 2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect (NIV).
When one places his/her life into the hands of God, one is in the center of God’s will. As one walks with God, God may or may not reveal The purpose for one’s trials, but one can see the goodness of God in the land of the living.
God has not promised his followers riches or fame, but suffering and hardship for following him. The rewards that awaits those who give everything to Jesus can’t be compared with the earthly rewards. The sufferings on earth will be seen as a light affliction in comparison to eternity.
I believe that if we were to consider the above steps, it will help us to move beyond the question, “Why” to “What do you want to do in or through my life, Lord.” One day the question of “Why” will be made clear to us or that we will gain a clearer perspective through time.
SUMMARY: Don’t bargain with God. but instead lay one’s life into God’s hand. You will find greater peace and comfort in one’s life. God’s grace is sufficient for each day.
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