II. The Journey of Salvation and Transformation.
Chapter 5: A Frightful Future
While in Bible School, I was required to do a Christian service. In my senior year, I decided to join a team of students to minister to small churches who did not have a pastor. I always thought that every church had a pastor. Going to those small rural churches around Portland, Oregon, seeing people who loved the Lord but had no pastor, I saw that they were grateful to us coming and ministering to them. That was an eye opener for me. Churches without pastors. I never realized that could even be a possibility.
I loved going into that small chapel on campus. At times, I would go in there to pray and read God’s Word. As I sat there thinking about after graduation and what I was going to do, the Lord spoke to my heart and mind. The passage that the Spirit of God brought to me was Matthew 9. It says this, “Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. 36 When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37 Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. 38 Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field” (NIV).
I strongly objected to the Lord. I said to the Lord, “I stutter when I speak. I am afraid of speaking before people. I can’t explain things well. I’m emotionally insecure. How can I minister to others when others are more educated, knowledgeable, and mature than me! Who will want me to be their pastor?!”
Inwardly, I didn’t want to be a pastor and I couldn’t believe that God would call me to be a pastor. In my estimation, I was unqualified to be a pastor. I have so many friends that were smarter and more dynamic than myself. “God, why don’t you call them instead of me?!” I tried to ignore that calling of God in my life.
Despite my objections, God would not let me go. He helped me see myself as Moses with his arguments of being His servant. Then I remembered all those churches that I served in, sheep without a shepherd. Can I not serve in some small church to help them with what I know about the Bible? Was I thinking more about myself than them?
I also remembered when I asked Ramona to marry me that we wrote in our Bible that we will serve the Lord together whatever and wherever He may lead us. Will I keep my word, or will I walk away from my word? As I sat in that chapel wrestling with the Lord, I surrendered my will to Him.
I think God has a great sense of humor. What is impossible for man is not a problem for Him. His ways are higher, more mysterious and wonderful than one can even imagine.