Thank you for the question on having children, “Why do I feel punished for not having kids?”
For many married or unmarried couples having a child is not the problem but caring for the child is a problem. Sometimes they wonder, “Why did we have this child or that many children?” In your case, other people are wondering to themselves, “Why don’t you have a child?” It is the non-verbal and perhaps even the whispers that you may be feelings from others.
Here are some possible reasons why you feel that way:
A. You may feel “guilty” since you know that your parents or in-laws want you to have a child. You are disappointing them and they feel you are selfish for not having a child. You may hear whispers behind your back or side comments that makes you uncomfortable. There may be a lack of acceptance of you by them.
B. You may be more self-conscious at family or friends gathering when other couples have children but you have none. It’s a little awkward situation for them and for you. You may not be invited to birthday parties of their children since you have none. You may feel neglected by them and out of place with them.
C. You may want to have children but are unable to have children. It may be your fertility or his sperm count. You haven’t shared this problem with others in hope that things will get “better”. You don’t understand why others can have children but you can’t even though both of you are trying.
D. You may wonder why God hasn’t given you a child. You pray for one but nothing. You wonder if you or your husband sinned against God in the past or in the present and that is why he is punishing you. You are not sure but it seems that way. Gynecologist says that everything is normal. You may have even try infertility and that hasn’t work at least not yet. God seems to withholding a child from you and you don’t understand why.
Whatever the cause or the feeling that one has at this moments, feels that you have and feels perceived by others are hard to difficult to deal with. The feelings are subjective. It is difficult to remain hopeful and objective especially if one’s biological clock is ticking away. The feelings may be overwhelming but you are putting on a happy face before family and friends.
SUMMARY: Your perception of verbal and non-verbal expressions by others may give you the feeling of non-acceptance by others or that you believe that God is withholding a child from you because of past poor choices. You can’t seem to make things right.
For more perspectives:
https://www.quora.com/Why-do-I-feel-punished-for-not-having-kids